So it makes me chuckle, my last post was exactly fourteen days ago — a fortnight. The reason it makes me chuckle, as some of you may be wondering, is because I just watched a couple videos on YouTube of Demetri Martin. One of his witty ‘jokes’ is him saying when something good happens to him he’s going to wait two weeks to tell anybody, solely because he likes the word fortnight. Anyway, let us move on to the stuff that has been piling up, on my BlackBerry, that deserves to be talked about.
Okay, so the first thing on my handy little task list is “People in motorized scooters in stores.” So where to begin? Let me just tell you what was going on when this little topic popped into my mind. I was walking through my local Fry’s, minding my own business, when this lady jetted out from an aisle right in front of me. Now, I’m a level headed guy, it didn’t really get to me. It definitely would later on though. So this happened on the extreme East side of the store where all the produce and bakery goods are. I needed to get to the extreme West side of the store to the milk. So naturally I just strolled behind this lady, pullin out my handy BlackBerry and texting all my friends, waiting for her to just turn down an aisle — something she didn’t seem ready to do. This wasn’t what bugged me, it was more her thinking she owned the whole store. Multiple times I watched her get angry with somebody who didn’t instantly jump out of her way. She even got into a mild shouting match with some punk thug. It was quite amusing. So anyway, we were heading toward the milk when she pulls past an aisle, stops, throws that scooter in reverse, reverses a touch, then starts going forward again. It’s like the lady couldn’t see down an aisle until she was almost past it. Granted, I know she didn’t have the best viewing angle but she did that on six of the remaining eight aisles. That drove me absolutely nuts. Anyway, I get done with my shopping, finally, and as I head out of the store guess who I see. Little Miss Scootermaniac. I watch her park the scooter, stand up, and walk out of the store. She didn’t even need it at all. That really pissed me off but I just let it go — hoping she’d get hit by a car outside.. Just kidding.. Kind of. So it leads me to the fact that stores need to regulare who gets the scooters. My solution: Get rid of them. If you absolutely cannot walk around the store, there can be wheelchairs. Those things don’t have motors.
The next topic will probably make you think I’m a cold, heartless bastard — I’m not. It deals with the ESPYs and the fact the Kevin Everett won an award. If you don’t know his story it breaks down pretty simple. He was a Buffalo Bills Special Teams member that got injured executing a rookie mistake in the first game of the season. After the ball was kicked a member of the Denver Broncos was running witht he ball and Everett ducked his head, to take the hit, which promptly broke his neck and sent him to the ground. Now I’m all for everyone supporting his strive to get back to wellness.. but that’s about it. The man made a rookie mistake and apparently that makes him award worthy. Just.. wow. Maybe if I did something stupid and got really hurt I could get an award. Perhaps? Bah, whatever, it just shows how much society likes to play out a sob story for all it’s worth — an ESPY in this case.
This also has to do with the ESPYs, although not the same thing. If you weren’t aware, Tiger Woods won the ESPY for “Best Male Athlete.” That is quite comical. Are we prepared to call a golfer an athlete? I mean, I know the guy would completely wreck me at golf, but I’d get wrecked at the World Series of Mah Jong as well. I’m not really going to delve too deep into this one, it’s just something that made me laugh. Mr. Woods won the award over Tom Brady and Kobe Bryant. Who the hell voted for this?
The final piece of rantworthy information is a touch tasteless, really. It’s good ‘ol friends with benefits. Now I’m not Mr. Player, nor am I Mr. Attractive, but I’ve had my fair share of sexual encounters. Both with girlfriends and with just friends. The reason I bring this up is because one of those encounters, just a friend, has recently been bugging me for favors. Nothing of the sexual sort, just things like rides (car rides you sicko) and to get her cigarettes. Now, I absolutely HATE cigarettes even though my parents smoke. So I’m not going to support a filthy habit, especially with a girl that only seems to talk to me anymore when she needs something. So what does she do? She tells me she wants me to pay her back for all the times she fooled around with me and got nothing. You know, the couple of times she gave me dome, a quick little thing. Now instantly this brings the thought of prostitution to mind. It makes sense, right? I mean she wants me to pay her for sexual favors. Not necessarily with money, but with material objects. Even if it is after the fact, does that make her a prostitute? I’m not really sure, but what I am sure of is that when you’re fooling around with someone, you better get satisfied too. Don’t try to hold off until six months later and try to say they owe you. It’s not going to work.
So that’s all I’ve got for now. I was going to insert a bit of my take on Dane Cook stealing jokes but decided not to. If I ever want to be a comic, I don’t want someone to steal my material! Ha.
Anyway, until next time..
